


Welcome To My Mind (Horror's Nursery Rhyme)

by Placebogirl7



Category: Nana
Genre: Death, Drugs, F/M, Music, Pain, Panic Attacks, Prison, one side love, problematic love, tortured love, wrong choises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-08-07 07:45:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7706383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Placebogirl7/pseuds/Placebogirl7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight stanzas of a nursery rhyme to read into the thoughts of eight different characters.<br/>Even the most different people can be linked by a common element: the pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Takumi

**_A man of words and not of deeds,  
is like a garden full of weeds._ **

I sink into the soft armchair in my London flat.  
Outside the window is the usual gray and cold day.  
By now my trips back to Japan are increasingly rare.  
There are too many memories in that place, too many mistakes that can’t be erased.  
For the first time in my life I feel vulnerable.  
I get the feeling that I always got it all wrong.  
I wish I could be again cold and detached as before, although this way I do has made me a bad person in the eyes of those who loved me sincerely.  
I stole the happiness to my little sister, forcing her to a life of captivity that is consuming her slowly.  
She followed me this far, on the other side of the ocean.  
That voice, that beautiful gift that God has given her…I pushed her to hate it.  
Without realizing it I destroyed the most important treasure, the one for which I have struggled more.  
For a man ambitious and proud of himself, seeing everything he built up collapsing in the blink of an eye is the worst punishment.  
But perhaps this is not even the hardest part to deal with.  
What depresses me is being away from the people I love.  
My daughter lives halfway around the world, together with the woman I chose to marry.  
Only now I realize that my feelings for her were different from those I had felt for any other woman .  
Yet, I have betrayed her more than once.  
_**All the nice words that I said were empty, just as I am.**_  
The music that filled my ears every day, has left room to a solemn silence.  
This is what I deserve.  
This is the price to pay for the mistakes I’ve made.


	2. Miu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eight stanzas of a nursery rhyme to read into the thoughts of eight different characters.  
> Even the most different people can be linked by a common element: the pain.

_**“And when the weeds begin to grow,  
it's like a garden full of snow.** _

 

The blade penetrate into the flesh, the blood bathes the torn skin staining it.  
"One last time", I repeat in my mind darkened by this unrelenting pain.  
I always say that.  
Then I cut again, again and again.  
I can’t control this hatred that I feel, it is as if the world was only a prison in which people injure each other to find salvation.  
I hate everyone , sometimes even myself.  
But hate is a feeling so bad...  
I watch the blade dirty with blood, dirty as the truth of life.  
Why am I punishing myself?  
What have I done?  
Again the image of your face emerges in my mind, becoming more and more clear.  
I don’t understand how you manage to have this power over me.  
You set yourself up in my heart, without asking permission.  
I'm not used to receive attentions.  
I've always been alone.  
My hands become gradually colder, contrasting with the warm blood that seems to burn on the wrists.  
But it is the cold that I feel in my chest to tighten my body.  
I don’t know why I do it, my pain did not subside.  
Is it possible to wipe out the pain?  
Mine is a constant struggle, and every time there are neither winners nor losers.  
It's exhausting to live.  
I walk slowly to the bathroom, where I immerse my wrists under the cold and flowing water which comes out of the tap.  
By now my gestures have become mechanical.  
I know very well which is the limit, I know how far I can push myself.  
Actually I don’t want to die.  
I'm just looking for a bit of peace.  
I tampon the wounds with a white towel, which immediately smears itself with crimson strains.  
I put it in the basket of the clothes to wash, so I can erase once again the evidence of my weakness.   
I don’t want anyone to know it.  
You first.  
I find myself once again to think of you, to imagine how it can be your look beyond those sunglasses behind which you hide.  
What is that you don’t want to be seen, Yasu?  
What is it that you don’t want to see?  
I’m surprised to imagine that a balanced person like you may have fears.  
But the human being is like that, flawed and fragile.  
I wrap the bandages prepared previously around the wrists, turning round and round the white ribbon.  
I’ll cover them with a wristband, just like you hide the evidence of a crime.  
But there comes a day when all the killers are unmasked.   
I promise again I won’t do it anymore.  
Not because I have learned the lesson, I just don’t want to hurt you too.  
Being unhappy doesn’t imply making also other people feel like this.  
Tomorrow is a new day.  
I can’t wait to see you.  
I wish you were here even now.  
It's so cold here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AUTHOR’S CORNER**
> 
> It’s not that great but find it better than Takumi’s one! ^^ Miu is a character that I feel and can understand more, so despite the creepy scene I found myself more relaxed writing about her and to interpret her thoughts.   
> I hope you liked this one too! ;)  
> Thanks to all the people who are reading this collection!  
> Kisses  
> Place


	3. Hachi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eight stanzas of a nursery rhyme to read into the thoughts of eight different characters.  
> Even the most different people can be linked by a common element: the pain.

**_And when the snow begins to fall,  
it's like a bird upon the wall._ **

 

The sun behind my back is now about to set.  
When it lightly touch the water surface, it seems almost melt in it.  
It’s like as if it abandon itself to the sweet cradle of the waves.  
A bit as I do.  
Unable to fend for myself, I always look for someone willing to support me.  
Just like I did with Takumi.  
It was enough that he treated me with sweetness just one time, and I immediately fell into his trap.  
Maybe this is not a bad thing, but the price to pay is proving to be higher than expected.  
I wanted a happy marriage, a beautiful family, a man who really loved me.  
I wonder if I’ll manage to have at least one of these things...  
Often, when I'm alone as now, I think about Nobu.  
I’m sure that by his side I would feel happy as ever in my life.  
Yet, once again, I had been selfish.  
Takumi gave me what I needed, and I ran to him without thinking about it.  
I can’t cry now.  
I have to forgive her every betrayal, every omission, every cold attitude.  
Although I won’t spend happy days, I have to carry on what I built, for the good of the child that I’m carrying in my womb.  
I feel it moving, as if to tell me something.  
I hope it will be proud of its mother one day.  
I clench my fists on the legs, as a tear escapes hidden in the shadows.  
I follow it with the look, watching it fall on the ring finger of my left hand.  
With my back turned, the last light of the sun can’t reach the two rings I’m wearing.  
They are opaque, lifeless bodies.  
Insignificant worthless metal objects.  
A diamond that doesn’t shine, gold that fades.  
Maybe that's what I am: a wife, but not a happy woman.  
It’s only my fault.  
However, I feel I love Takumi somehow.  
I do not know whether it’s only the impression of a victim saved by her kidnapper, or a sincere and pure feeling.  
I begin to believe that the story he told me is increasingly true.  
But is it really possible to fall in love with someone that makes you unhappy?  
This is not the time to ask myself certain questions.  
I have to go home and make dinner, although most likely Takumi won’t come home even tonight.  
I have to go back to that husband who saved me, despite the distance between us is cold as a too long winter.  
The bench where I sit it's getting cold because of the evening’s humidity.  
It’s time for the bride to return to the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AUTHOR’S CORNER**
> 
> I hope it's not as bad as it seems (especially the ending)! I tried to make Hachi the best I could, although I can’t really pity for her unhappiness.  
> As always, I hope you understand the connection between the nursery rhyme stanza and the inner being of the character. A heartfelt thanks to all those who are reading this collection! ♥  
> Kisses   
> Place


	4. Reira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eight stanzas of a nursery rhyme to read into the thoughts of eight different characters.  
> Even the most different people can be linked by a common element: the pain.

**_And when the bird away does fly,  
it's like an eagle in the sky._ **

 

The light of the chandelier is reflected in scarlet red stone, giving it new shades.  
I turn around the ring between my fingers, watching it change, just like our relationship.  
You gave me this jewel, of which you have one identical copy, because we could have a connection even without being able to be together.  
We knew from the start that there was no future for us.  
The red thread of fate got us together unfairly.  
But it’s not the age the responsible of the emptiness that has been created between us.  
The truth is that I’ve never really wanted to give up on the man I love more than any other.  
Although our identical rings were not a true union, I have loved you anyway, Shin.

_“The rings we vowed on,_   
_the red string that binds us_  
 _I can't see them now,_   
_not that we made any promises, but_  
 _please don't let go of my hand”_

So says my song.  
Yet, despite the ring is visible on my finger, our hands have left each other.  
There’s never been a promise between us, after all.  
I slowly slip it out, while it breaks my heart.  
Saying goodbye is never easy.  
I slip it in back, and then slip it out again.   
Only now I realize how much you’ve been important for me.  
However , the image of that man who I secretly wish for years don’t want to leave my heart.  
We slept together last night.  
I should have felt dirty while I was holding myself to him, knowing that the woman who he had recently married probably was waiting for him at home.  
Instead I felt happy as I’ve never been before.  
It was as if the dream of a life had become true in that bedroom lit only by the light of the table lamp.  
In the same bed in which I spent the nights with you .  
Forgive me, Shin.  
Forgive this unfair happiness I’m feeling.  
I just want to remind me again of that night, of how my lips and Takumi’s ones searching for each other unsatisfied.  
I can’t stop loving him.  
In his arms I felt free, the weight that I had on my heart has melted.  
I wasn’t the singer princess, I wasn’t the damsel who needs to be saved.  
I was simply Reira.  
Reira who made mistakes, Reira who betrays, Reira who is impure like all human beings.  
The innocent and perfect princess who everyone believes in doesn’t exist.  
How is it possible that so many mistakes can make me happy?  
The truth is that perhaps I don’t even know what happiness is.  
As long as I’m with Takumi I’ll be happy, aware of the price I have to pay.  
It doesn’t matter if I won’t be happy, because all I want is to be with him, at the cost of being just one of the many squalid lovers with whom he default to marital fidelity.  
I lie down on the empty bed, resting my head on the pillow.  
There is still imprinted his perfume, an imprint that can’t be erased.  
I inhale deeply the remains of that fragrance, flying with the mind in a more beautiful place.  
I left the ring on the nightstand.  
Forgive me, Shin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AUTHOR’S CORNER**
> 
> And this time was Reira’s turn! Like for Takumi, I didn’t like her character so much, I think she’s too much selfish and spoiled (that’s why I’ve never seen her as a woman for Shin). The only moment in which I liked her has been when she has helped Ren with his drug addiction. Anyway, I hope you liked even this one shot! ;)  
> Kisses  
> Place


	5. Yasu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eight stanzas of a nursery rhyme to read into the thoughts of eight different characters.  
> Even the most different people can be linked by a common element: the pain.

**_And when the sky begins to roar,  
it's like a lion at the door._ **

I take off my trusty sunglasses, putting them on the small table in the room.  
It is a gesture that only allow myself to do away from people's looks, at times when I can finally breathe.  
It’s not that I’m afraid to show myself; simply I prefer not to see.  
The world has its dark sides that prefer to get out from my face.  
Now I can finally look at Miyu as she prepares to feed the fish.  
It's nice to be able to see her clearly, so I'm glad I took off my glasses.  
She’s not impure like the world, it’s worth observing her.  
It is only with her that I allow myself the luxury to let myself go, as I am able to do so.  
I feel that we resemble a lot, that she understands me more than anyone else.  
She’s the only one that doesn’t vent her problems on me, though she has too many.  
I wonder why everyone does always rely on me.  
With the appearance that I have I should be the last person to go to ask for advice or help.  
Yet, I always end up having to be a dad for everybody.  
Whenever there is a problem, my cell phone is the first to ring.  
And every time I answer, I hear someone crying on the other end.  
Life is a field of tears: as you begin to spill one, the others fall relentlessly.  
I wonder if I’m the only one who is unable to spill them.  
Perhaps behind this serious appearance, I take things too lightly...  
People think I'm some kind of perfect being who let things roll off its back, able to solve any dilemma and also to answer questions to which even the life can’t give an explanation.  
Who knows, maybe they're right.  
I just feel simply as man like many who understood how the world works.  
There is not always an answer for everything, we are not always destined to happiness, good things do not happen to good people, and fairy tales are only fairy tales.  
There is no justice in the world and the only way to survive is to choose to be a wolf.  
The sheep are torn to pieces along the way.  
Perhaps this way of thinking does not make me an honorable person, but I don’t care.  
Today like yesterday I see through these dark lenses things that aren’t worth seeing in color.  
I don’t care giving or getting answers, for me life should be taken as it comes.  
I have to be in thought for a while now, I see Miyu looking at me with a worried face.  
I smile: I won’t give her yet another reason to agonize.  
I pull out the phone from my pocket and turn it off while Miyu takes a seat next to me.  
I put aside my air of badass and I draw her to me in a kiss that doesn’t need unnecessary words.  
Today I don’t want to hear about anyone but us.  
The lion is resting in his den, waiting for yet another storm tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AUTHOR’S CORNER**
> 
> I think Yasu is one of the toughest characters ever to be treated, because he’s so close and cold sometimes. I hope to have managed in these few lines (as is a man of few words Yasu himself!) to describe in a good way his character. And above all I hope I managed to make you understand how it is connected to the phrase. I put an explanation if it had been a disaster! The phrase “And when the sky begins to roar” represent the idea of people's problems. The sky begins to roar, so there is a big conflict, something that anguish someone. Yasu is “like a lion at the door”, so a stoic figure that everyone sees as perfect, and that comes to help.  
> Thanks to everyone who will read! Next one shot will be about Shin, don’t miss it! ;)  
> Kisses  
> Place


	6. Shin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eight stanzas of a nursery rhyme to read into the thoughts of eight different characters.  
> Even the most different people can be linked by a common element: the pain.

_**And when the door begins to crack,  
it's like a stick across your back.** _

 

This cell is cold, or maybe it's the cold that I feel inside to make it look like this.  
Outside is a beautiful moonlit night, I glimpse her pallor that filters through the bars of this useless little window, the only contact I have left with the outside world.  
I feel empty, as empty is this prison.  
Without piercing and punk clothes, I stopped wearing the Shin of Blast’s mask.  
Now I’m only Shinichi Okazaki son repudiated and abandoned by a father of which he only has the surname, because the blood in the veins is another.  
Shinichi Okazaki, sixteen year old boy who sells himself for money, like a trained monkey to bring happiness to women.  
And when Shinichi is alone, who brings happiness to him?  
Shinichi which is used, Shinichi who obeys with his head down.  
Shinichi in search of love, Shinichi who loses love.  
Not knowing who you are is the worst feelings.  
I wish that arrogant guy were here now, that he would wear this orange suit too big for a boy, lighting a cigarette to outwit the society.  
He would know to stay afloat.  
This is not the place where I should be, but in life you reap what you sow.  
I'm paying for my mistakes, alone and ashamed.  
If I could have my bass, or a simple guitar any, maybe I would feel less sad.  
After all, it is all I have left.  
But who knows if Nana and the other still want me.  
Who knows if there will still be room for me in that family, the only one I've ever had.  
Having their forgiveness would make me feel less guilty.  
When you break something big, then it becomes difficult to fix it.  
A bit as my relationship with Reira, although that wasn’t me to destroy it, all things considered.  
You can’t destroy something that has never existed.  
For Reira I was Shinichi that brings happiness, but not Shinichi who can be loved.  
Although I knew that in her heart there was only Takumi, I wanted to delude myself that she could see things from another perspective.  
Only now I understand Yasu.  
Is this, therefore, the adult world?  
A circus of lies, illusions and bitter tears?  
It’s not an attractive future prospect, but I can’t remain a child forever.  
You can’t stop growing, remaining children forever.  
Even that would be just a lie.  
From now on I want to do my best to become an adult, I want to assume responsibility for my actions.  
It won’t be easy, and perhaps I will fall several times before reaching the goal.  
But I have to, I have to do it for myself.  
I have to give love to Shinichi, before giving it to others.  
Only then I will be the man I want to be, able to take care of the woman he loves, and to go and take her wherever she is.  
I repeat all this, yet I can’t get up from here.  
Sitting in a corner, like a forgotten item: in the end is what I've always been up to date.  
If I even got out of here, where could I go?  
My house is no longer mine, my room no longer exists.  
I can’t go back to my customers.  
Shinichi homeless, Shinichi with no place in the world.  
In my mind resurfaces the face of Hachi, the only mother I've ever had.  
Despite its flaws, he has been able to give me much more than anyone else.  
When you have so many imperfections, it’s natural to accept those of others.  
Not for mutual understanding, but because judging someone like us would be like judging ourselves and judging ourselves is scary.  
Even now I'm afraid.  
I could pretend to be a storyteller, a lone hero who wanders in search of love.  
But here there are no love stories to tell, and I'm not a hero.  
My hero is Ren.  
Who knows, maybe he will understand my mistakes.  
And if he doesn’t understand those, certainly he will understand how I feel.  
It is as if someone is repeatedly striking my chest with a hard, sharp stick, reminding me that in life I haven’t done anything good.  
I feel like garbage, a mistake, a traitor of the worst kind for people who have loved me.  
Shame weighs on my shoulders like a boulder too large to move it with my own strength.  
I think that Ren also felt like this when he left Blast.  
I wonder if he ever redeemed, after all this time.  
The answer is obvious, even if it’s not the best.  
Unfortunately, even the heroes aren’t perfect in this world.  
I wrap my legs to my chest with the arms, burying my face in the hollow that has been created between them.  
Now the moon has moved away from the window, following his monotonous path.  
The darkness is back to get me, silent.  
It is as if an abyss without end was swallowing me.  
Shinichi struggling, Shinichi sinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AUTHOR’S CORNER**
> 
> I realize that is not the greatest story to wish happy holidays, but when I thought about this sentence and Shin it immediately came to mind the time when in the manga he was seen sitting on the floor in his jail cell. So I painted a Shin who for the first time in the manga becomes aware of his frailty and he feel ashamed for his mistakes (as he himself will prove when he returns to the dorm). I hope to have made him more IC as possible, even if the Shin of before this time was a disrespectful kid without restraint. I take the opportunity with this story to wish all of you a BEAUTIFUL (belated) CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR, waiting to see you again in the next story!;)  
> Thanks to all who have read this story!  
> A kiss and a hug to you all!  
> Place


	7. Nana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eight stanzas of a nursery rhyme to read into the thoughts of eight different characters.  
> Even the most different people can be linked by a common element: the pain.

_**And when your back begins to smart,  
it's like a penknife in your heart.** _

 

I can’t breathe.  
I feel like I have a hole instead of the chest, a hole deep as an abyss that sucks everything taking off the air.  
It is a feeling similar to being swallowed up by the depths of the sea, that expanse of water that I love so much because it reminds me of you.  
Everything reminds me of you.  
I wish I could erase you like the words of a song which went bad, but you're the melody that can’t be changed, because it’s perfect as it is.   
Even if you continue to hurt me, to my eyes you will always remain a diamond of inestimable value.  
Outside the bathroom door your voice reaches me as a desperate cry, in an attempt to get my forgiveness.  
It bothers me, all that you say right now sounds like a hypocritical justification for your behavior.  
At the same time, though, I love this voice that reminds me of happy days.  
I would actually go back with you in that house at the port warehouses, because building together a love nest is perhaps more important to introduce my music to all Japan.  
Yet, the image of you embracing Reira in the snow doesn’t want to leave my head.  
Your beloved singer princess, sweet and with an angelic voice, undisputed queen of the music charts.  
A precious treasure, more valuable than me.  
Why would you waste your talent to accompany a hoarse voice like mine, scratched from the anger and pain of a past life passed to be always the shadow of others?  
You too have left me behind, Ren, just like my mother in that snowy day.  
Another stab expands in the chest, touching that wounded heart that continues to bleed.  
The wounds that you can’t see are the worst.  
I bring my hands on it, shaking spasmodically in a vain attempt to stop the pain.  
It’s like someone is stabbing me, making me pay for all the mistakes I’ve made.  
Pride, vanity, jealousy, envy, possessiveness, selfishness.  
This is me.  
Is that why you left, Ren?  
Is that why I end up losing everything I love?  
Is that why you prefer her to me?  
I gasp repeatedly, trying to hold on to this damn life still for a few seconds .  
I hear that you keep calling me on other side of the door, you’re afraid that I have committed some act of madness after seeing those photos.  
If you care so much, you can be the one to die.  
I do not want to lose myself in you.  
So why am I doing this?  
Why at the mere sound of your voice this pain becomes unbearable?  
When I became so dependent on you?  
I would like the answers to these simple questions, but if they were really simple probably I would have already had them.  
All that I get is accumulating questions of questions, tormenting myself in doubts about the choices I made.  
I wonder if I should come to Tokyo with you that day, giving up the idea of becoming a professional singer and becoming simply Ren from Trapnest’s woman, who stay good and nice at home to clean and cook waiting for his return.  
It could still be a good life, but it was not what I wanted.  
The desire for revenge on Trapnest and on the singer princess has become an obsession, and from that moment all my life began to turn around a single goal: to prove that I worth something, with or without you.  
I didn’t want to lose you, I just wanted to keep my identity.  
Nobody’s daughter, survived only by their own efforts, I wanted to show first of all to myself that I worth something.  
Tell me, Ren... am I still important to you?  
Do I shine in your eyes like you shine in mine too?  
I already know the answer to this question, it’s hidden between the lines of the picture taken by a bastard paparazzo.  
My chest burns, like when we sit on the bed and I hummed following the melodies that only you are able to give birth from a simple guitar.  
But this time is different.  
This is not the fire of passion and happiness, that warms the heart and relaxes limbs.  
This is the fire of destruction, which consumes and worn all that remains.  
I gather my last strength and get out of this tub that is not ours, now the water is too cold.  
I crawl to the door, exhaling those few breaths I have left before I hit the bottom and release the lock to let you in.  
I don’t know if you need me, Ren, but now I need you.  
I don’t want to die, not yet.  
I want to know first if the sacrifices I made were worth it, if having trampled on love will repay me with something bigger.   
And then I want to live my old age with you, even if I don’t know how this can still be achieved.  
Everything seems more and more distant and confused, like a dream that you forget in a hurry.  
With difficulty I can say a few words, telling you that I’m going to die.  
And you as the hero you like to be answer me that you’ll never allow it.  
Your lips are placed on mine and everything shuts down.  
Time stops, along with the heart and breathing.  
I hear only the faint scent of our cologne and your arms that hold me.  
Slowly the air flows back into the lungs, the burning in the chest fades.  
And I’m back to life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AUTHOR’S CORNER**
> 
> Don’t you see that I like Nana Osaki, right? *whistles* I know it's not fair to the other characters to make a shot so long for her, but words just came out to my mind. As Ren and Shin I feel very close to her , and I find it easier to empathize with her. Here too I have taken a manga scene, the one that occurs after Nana receives from a paparazzo a package that contains the photos of Ren who seems to embrace Reira to their native country. I hope I described her in the best way because I care particularly to this! The next will be the last shot that closes the collection and it will be about Ren! ;)   
> Kisses  
> Place


	8. Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eight stanzas of a nursery rhyme to read into the thoughts of eight different characters.  
> Even the most different people can be linked by a common element: the pain.

_**And when your heart begins to bleed,  
you're dead, and dead, and dead indeed.”** _

 

I press on the accelerator, careless of the careless of the freshly fallen snow, which has deposited on the soil covering it in white.  
This year, punctual as always, it has arrived in our country of origin.  
It's a show that can’t be seen in Tokyo.  
What do I do here?  
I’m going to get back the singing princess.  
Maybe it's not where I should be now, but I can’t come to you if I did’t put things back in place.  
I want to protect the castle that Takumi has built sacrificing everything else, and that I'm destroying with my mistakes.  
I have invested so much in Trapnest, blowing my chances of living a serene life with you.  
Yet it’s only for this choice that now I find myself at this point.  
If I had continued living with you in this place, abandoning my ambition to live with the talent that life gave me, I probably wouldn’t find myself facing the disappointed faces of people around me.  
Yasu.  
Takumi.  
Kinoshita.  
You.  
Your looks judge me, they weigh tons.  
I can’t support them.  
I wonder what little Shin would think of me, since he has made of me his personal hero, if he knew what I really am: a toxic who can’t stop to take drugs because he couldn’t play anymore.  
These trembling hands are taking away the last thing I have left.  
My music is the only point I can trust if I do not want to sink under the hole of bitterness that I have created myself under my feet.  
I have to reach Reira and bring her home, so that the future of Trapnest is safe.  
Then I will come to you, to wish you a happy birthday and to work out the exhausting silences of the recent months.  
Despite your selfishness and your pressure, I don’t want to give up on us.  
I miss you like crazy.  
Can I fix all the mistakes I made?  
I don’t have time to dwell on it, I have to act and stop.  
I run faster and faster, straight ahead of me.  
In the rear-view mirror I can see a car that is following me, probably annoying paparazzi looking for some scoops on us or on the disappearance of Reira.  
I have to leave them behind, I'm a threat that could totally overwhelm what is already crumbling.  
This wasn’t what I wanted when I decided to move to Tokyo.  
I just wanted to have the opportunity to let everyone know my music, but I didn’t imagine that I would end up in a ring where every day is a continuous fight against others and against oneself.  
That world that in the eyes of common people shines with light and charm, for those like us is a hell that pollutes the soul.  
But you’ll notice this too, now that you are inside.  
Tell me, was it really worth it?  
Wouldn’t we have been happier to continue living in that warehouse which we made our home, doing music for fun in those small pubs full of the warmth of our fans?  
Is it possible that all those who want to see Heaven end up in Hell?*  
I almost got close to that house.  
I know the way with eyes closed because it's the place I love the most in the world.  
It’s my starting point and it will also be the one of the end.  
You will come there to spend old age with me, right?  
When we will be too tired to play throwing snowballs at each other on the breakwater, to do the rock stars and to fight with our demons.  
Here is our home.  
Now I see it clearly.  
It’s still so, as we left it.

_**"And now let's go to the next song! Many hope they get back as soon as possible!"** _

It's the voice of the radio in the background, but I see nothing but our home approaching more and more as I run faster than the wind.

_**“Black Stones!”** _

There’s a black figure on the cornice under the window, a light-skinned woman wearing a studded leather jacket and punk clothes.  
I open my eyes wide: yes, it’s you.  
I want to reach you, I want to grab you before you can run away again.  
I do it, I'm there by now.  
The car tires slip on fresh snow like tears on cheeks.  
This snow covers the memories of the most beautiful moments of an entire life.  
It’s so different from the snow that I slip on smooth surfaces to soothe the pain...  
I'm about to reach you, but you jump with a leap, disappearing into nothing.  
Were you just an illusion?  
Now in front of me there is a wall, the wall of our home.  
I can’t avoid it.  
But maybe that's the end I deserve.  
In the end even the heroes eventually pass away.  
However, if I can’t save anyone, I want at least to protect the last precious thing I have.  
I pull my hands out of the steering wheel, clinging them to my chest and bending over myself.  
Who knows if ghosts can play guitar...  
I hope.  
Today I can’t come and celebrate your birthday, I'm sorry.  
But I'm waiting for you on the bank of the Sanzu River, Nana.

_**“ Blas…”** _

 

****_“A man of words and not of deeds,_  
is like a garden full of weeds.  
And when the weeds begin to grow,  
it's like a garden full of snow.  
And when the snow begins to fall,  
it's like a bird upon the wall.  
And when the bird away does fly,  
it's like an eagle in the sky.  
And when the sky begins to roar,  
it's like a lion at the door.  
And when the door begins to crack,  
it's like a stick across your back.  
And when your back begins to smart,  
it's like a penknife in your heart.  
And when your heart begins to bleed,  
you're dead, and dead, and dead indeed.” 

 

* vol. 25, chap. 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AUTHOR’S CORNER**
> 
> Here we are to the end of this collection of one shot! Sorry for the length of this last one but… I LOVE Ren! I hope I’ve written him in the best way possible, it means a lot to me.  
> And with this story ends this collection born from a nursery rhymes taken by John Fletcher's "Nursery Rhyme" collection, titled “A Man of Words anf not of Deeds”.  
> I want to thank from the bottom of my heart all the who have spent a little bit of their time to review! Thanks also to people who left me Kudos and to silent readers!  
> Kisses and hugs ♥  
> Place

**Author's Note:**

> **AUTHOR’S CORNER**
> 
> First of all: Hi! ^^ I’m new on this fandom on AO3, and I hope you’ll appreciate my stories even if the grammar won’t be perfect (I’m Italian, so forgive my English mistakes!).  
> This collection of one shots is old, I wrote it (in Italian of course) a year ago! I’m particularly attached to this Nana’s fanfiction compared to the other, because when I wrote it I tried to give my best: that’s why I decided to translate it.  
> I’ll explain you how this collection will be set up. The stanzas you’ll see over any one shot is taken from the nursery rhyme “A Man of Words anf not of Deeds” from the book “Nursery Rhyme” by John Fletcher. Reading it I associated every stanza to a Nana’s character. Each story is a moment in itself, that doesn’t follow the logical-temporal wire of the previous one, but which has the only aim to propose a consideration of the character in question, linked to the aforementioned stanza.  
> I began with Takumi, for him I chose a severe stanza, because he’s a character that I hate and I see it very connected with him (Takumi’s fans, don’t lynch me please! XD). I realize I’ve not made my best in the one shot, but I find it hard to write about him. I hope you’ll appreciate it by the way! ^^  
> Thank you to all the people who will read and/or leave a review! ♥  
> Kisses  
> Place


End file.
